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17 August 2006
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i feel so vunerable. hopeless. dumb. and useless.give me a year. i swear i'll buck up. i swear i'll do well. give me a year, i'll promise you distinctions. give me a year from now, i promise you i won't cry like what i'm doing now. give me now, i'm broken. give me now, i'm lost. all i can hope for is passing grades. i aimed for A2 for phy. looks like i'll be lucky to even get c6. give me now, i'm giving up. give me now, i wanna end everything. give me now, i'm losing confidence in everything. give me a year. pls. time's not being my friend. so is the intensity of everything. i hope that at least, one day, i'll wake up as sherman or dong. even a day as them makes me contented. they take at least half of the time i need to understand lesson. probably even just a quarter. i honestly think i need counselling. i shall go see ms salena tmr. ='( on another topic, i'm tired. i'm drained out. having you people quarrel is not a pleasant thing. i have to shift between 2 camps. i dont wanna ps anyone of you. can we return as a family? like what we used to be? having 2 camps makes me ps either one of you. and that, causes some of you to be unpleased. like i'm psing you. but i cant possibly cut myself into 2 right. to her*, i really don't know what to say. its just a little misunderstanding. and she gave in. can't you even accept that? you're not the queen you know. you can't expect everyone to bow down to you. you know it yourself. that one cannot give attitude to you, but you do the very same thing to everyone. girl, i'm saying this cause i love you. and i don't want people to end up hating you. i've seen the best of you girl, and i know deep inside, you're much more than that. why show people the bad side of you? its the weakness you need to hide, and the strengths that you have to sell. you can't just say, i have ap, you've gotta deal with that. in the society, you can't survive like that. girl, i know pple say, accept them for who they are. but human can't accept someone who always am the negative force. i know what i say might hurt you, or you might just not care about it, and i know it might jeopardise our friendship. but still, im saying it cos i love you. and i want people to love you too, not hate you. to her2*, i know you gave in. i guess only time will prove how much this friendship means to her. and don't you worry, i'll always be here when the world turns you down. =) ily. to you*, you know, i've been keeping this inside me for a long time. and i never really wanted to say it cause i know you'll be pissed and hurt. but still, i got to say it. i can't possibly swallow every bitter thing and keep it to myself. you're forever acting like i can't have other friends except than you. your snide remarks hurts me. saying i'm pathetic in my studies doesn't help. calling me a flirt breaks me. saying i psed you, is not something that will help me in my life. pls understand, i have other friends, and i'm not gonna forever stay by your side. you know how empty i feel, thinking i only have a few friends. only a little few that i can count on? having a restricted social circle is not gonna help me. you know how difficult it is for me to have a partner who's nice to me yet you give him attitude problem? if he had an ounce of pettyness, i swear i wont even have a partner whom i can talk to now. you know the reason i'm not close to iggie now? partly is cos of you. it so damn it hard having a close friend whom your best friend is against. saying you always give in. who gives in when we're fighting? i do. who gives in whenever you wanna go anywhere? i do. i keep quiet. i swallow it in. i don say a thing. yet, when i din compromise to you, you think i'm being selfish. im being a fucking bitch. like i don give a damn abt what you feel. you gotta stop thinking you're always right. i think you're feeling pissed/hurt right now. but that's how the whole situation is. you got to accept it. sigh. i still don wanna lose you as a bestfriend. give me a break for life people. im worn out. i cant carry on. sigh. maybe i'll post more in the other blog. =/ ask for for the ps if u wanna read. give me another year, please. |
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nor liyana mohd khalis.i'm always in love with pretty boys. like as if i don't learn from experience, i always give in to sweet words. and i never learn from the past. i'm vulnerable to hurt, but i'd like to believe i'm stronger than i seem. jauh di dasar hatiku, aku tahu aku masih kasihimu dan menyintaimu. namun kau sudah berpunya, kau sudah bercinta. disini kita berakhir, tergantung segala cerita dan kisah lama. wishlist
an arsenal jersey please.to watch a play. tagboard
affiliates
ayn
bani
complexite
dynn
erdiah
ekah
fizah
jass
joyce
maz
matt
nisa
nette
raz
yaya |